World Domination starts with Sesame Street

As we all know, Sesame Street is a childhood institution in America. Most children from the 1980s remember sitting and watching that grumpy grouch, that fun-loving bird, the rubber duck loving brothers, and the one monster who ate more cookies than we were ever allowed. We turned out fine, sitting and watching that lovable street come to life every afternoon right after nap time. Of course we have some problems...we are products of the 80s....but we are not nearly as bad as the children who are influenced by Sesame Street today. Sadly that once beloved childhood TV program has become a terrible mind controlling show and it is because of one red puppet....Elmo.

Now many of you I am sure are outraged...how dare I accuse such a lovable creature of mind control and world domination? I will tell you that this, this lovable creature is exploiting his cuteness, and it all is just part of his gimmick in his attempt to take over the world. This past May I was staying with some lovely friends out in Idaho and my friends and I were flipping through the channels and stumbled upon this childhood show and stopped to watch it...now some might have found this funny, two college graduates and an MIT student watching a child's show, but it was for research. Honest. We sat through the full hour (I remember it being shorter when I was little) and we discovered that Elmo now has his own WORLD on Sesame Street...and as that wise MIT student pointed out...the entire show is a STREET and he gets his own WORLD. Something is seriously wrong here folks.

You look around at the store and he is everywhere. Nothing is sacred, nothing is untouched by this mongrel. Everything has his face stamped on it candy, shampoo, cards, books, movies, music, clothes, shoes, bedding, and kitchen supplies. He is pushing our American way of life out of the picture and is replacing it with...Elmo's world. GULP. People...he is an attention grabbing dictator who is using our CHILDREN to take over the world...and I for one WILL NOT stand for this. I will not let him take our country away from us. Like so many other dictators he will fail and all he will get a simple thing named after him...something that over time people will forget that was even named after him.

I would like to give a few examples of what I mean:

1. Caesar attempted to take over the world...did a fairly decent job...and look what he has to show for it....A SALAD. A very delicious salad... btw. Really good with grilled chicken and a little bit of lemon.
2. Napoleon attempted to also take over the world...got all of western Europe and then tripped up when he tried taking Russia...boom he trips and falls...good thing he didn't have far to go. Now what has he got to show for it? ICE CREAM. It is kind of a nice treat...more than one ice cream all mashed together. Genius really.
3. Hitler probably got the closest to taking over. He got everything but England and Russia. Again with Russia. You think that they would learn...it is cold there during the winter. Duh. He didn't even get a yummy food. He got a mustache. That doesn't look good on anyone. Really no one looks good with it.
4. Elmo will be added here. He is trying a more subtle route. No direct violence. He probably is not going to even attempt to take over Russia. But he must be stopped. He will then have green beans. That is right...green beans.
   

Let us unite and save our children and our country. Long Live Big Bird!


This blog was written with the support of Jackie Holmes and is dedicated to Amanda Holmes.