It continues...

...there has been some large shifts in my family...I guess you could almost call them political shifts. An incident occurred and suddenly there is an "us" and "them" mentality. It is very heartbreaking. Mostly it hurts to watch how much it affects my Grandparents, who are the sweetest kindest people I have ever met. I have never understood why my family had to swipe at each other the way they do. Why we cannot be content with just being there for one another. Life is already hard enough, your family should be the one constant that makes things ok....the one group of people that create a safe harbor for you against the horrible influence of life.

I thought the dust had settled some what and then last night someone came along and kicked the dust up....and now I feel like I am in the middle of a sandstorm. I am not going to sit here and try and pretend I understand for a second to understand some of my family members...because I don't. I wish I did...but I just know me. And I do not feel bad for my actions in the current situation and I do not feel sorry for what I have said or done....and if someone wants an apology then they need to own up to their own mistakes. I am sick and tired of this victim way of thinking.

Am I perfect? Oh good heavens no.(Thankfully...I couldn't handle that pressure.) I am more than willing to admit that I mistakes and I am willing to own up to the crap I have done. But in my family...Why does it always have to be someone else's fault when you screw up? It doesn't and it is ridclous to think for a second that it is. I don't know why this has upset me to the level it has...I am not even a key player...heck I don't even have a supporting part. I am more like a walk on that they found at the local Strabucks...but dysfunction abounds and I seem to be walking closer to the middle of the vortex. Just is frustrating...I know I have friends to talk to but for some reason I feel all alone with no one I want to share this with. Nothing is so frustrating....man I wish my mom were here...she would know what to do.

Sorry this is a rambling mess....it was more so for me to get some thoughts and feelings out...since they are driving me to near distraction.

"There's nothing so tragic as seeing a family pulled apart by something as simple a pack of wolves." -Jack Handy