I have been super busy with work...and to be honest I hide when I get home from work. I feel really out of my depth and really inadequate...I try my hardest but I often feel that my best is never going to be good enough. Due to this I tend to scamper to my home and snuggle in with what makes me feel safe and happy....which is probably why I have gained weight as I try really hard to lose for the weddings in June. Sorry girls.
I know I have disappeared on a lot of my friends and I feel bad about it but in the same way I don't. I am having some personal problems and then add work into that and I am not sure there is much left to use for a friendship. Every night I drag myself into bed and I cannot wait to escape because often times sleep is the only place that I feel adequate. So I just put the friendships up on the shelf and hope they will be patient as I try and figure out how to find balance...try and find something to give back to them, because right now I am hardly keeping myself above water...not sure I would have anything to give to help anyone else. Sounds kind of thin doesn't it? Sadly it is all I got. So I am really sorry to all my friends...I just hope you all can understand. Although...judging from things I have heard and the lack of things I have heard, I don't think you do. And that is okay. I get that.
In other news I am starting to write again. It is weird to write for pleasure again. It has been so long since I have sat down and just let the words connect me to the page. To bring what is inside me to life to share with others. I really have my best friend to thank for that...her and my grandpa have always been my biggest supporters with my writing. It is nice to finally get these stories out, I have carried them for far to long. Sadly for Lissa, she is being forced to read the bits and pieces as I get them done. Bless her heart. It is a good thing we like each other!
Anyway I just wanted to let you know I am ok....I don't have much to say. Even now I feel like I am letting myself out in the open to much and to be honest it scares me a little bit. So I will end this and go curl up on my bed and read my book. I hope you all are well. Take care.
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4 comments:
i'm sad for you, kaitlin. i hope you know i am here when you're ready.
[virtual hug]
This makes me sad. I wish so much that I could be there to come over and hang out and make you laugh. Hang in there, k? Call, text, or message anytime. Love and miss you!
flatmate! I have noticed your disappearance and am sorry that I too have not been great at keeping up with friends. I have next thurs/fri off and if you would like to hang out just let me know!
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