So awhile back I posted a blog that talked about believing in myself. I wrote that I have a mantra on my bathroom mirror that my best friend gave me that reads, "That you deserve the best in everything. You are not broken like you say you are sometimes."
And I have been working on that. Very. Very. Very. Slowly. It is a slow process and lately I have been facing a very big question, what is the best that I deserve? And who defines that?
I have friends getting married. I have friends having babies. I have friends moving away. And friends coming home. And I keep hearing in this as life pulsates around me, "you are failing." I have to ask myself why am I hearing this?
Is it because I am not following the typical pattern? I am in love with an emotionally unavailable man, I am willingly working my butt off for little to no money, I do not want kids, I like eating to much food, I like talking to loud, and making no sense, I actually enjoy being single and not having to commit to anyone and I thoroughly love living alone.
Maybe for me that is the best. Maybe living my life by how I define it, is the best. So if that is the case, how do I get that stupid voice in my head to be quiet?
Now that is a question that may take some serious thinking.
“"I don't see much sense in that," said Rabbit.
"No," said Pooh humbly, "there isn't. But there was going to be when I began it. It's just that something happened to it along the way."”
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2 comments:
I agree...we define what the best is for ourselves. I felt empty when Cameron continued to grow and become more independent. It made me sad that my little baby was no longer a baby. Although he was learning new an sometimes more exciting things I was stuck. Now with another on the way I have been able to appreciate his growth more...knowing there's another coming. Sounds silly...I love my son more than anything else...but I also love this little one more than anything else. This is my best. But that doesn't have to or need to be your best! I love you and I think you are the best. I love that you check in on me just to here how I'm feeling. You are so sweet and perfect. You deserve your best...
I fully agree with you and with Amber. Another thing that I think about often is that I'm always looking for the next thing to happen. What about the right now??? I was always looking forward to being married and now that I am i'm wondering when we get to have kids. What's wrong with where we are right now. Maybe those things will all come for you in time but we should strive for living for our best where we are right now.
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